Jeremy
Original price was: $1,299.99.$1,199.99Current price is: $1,199.99.
The Jeremy™ Always-Standing Edition is a high-performance, full-sized adult model engineered for home offices, family gatherings, and dad-band performances. Featuring a permanent upright mode, this unit remains standing regardless of social cues, available seating, or direct requests from trained professionals.
(In Stock)
📦 About This Item
The Jeremy™ Always-Standing Edition is a high-performance, full-sized adult model engineered for home offices, family gatherings, and dad-band performances. Featuring a permanent upright mode, this unit remains standing regardless of social cues, available seating, or direct requests from trained professionals.
Perfect for tech jobs, long Zoom meetings, and confusing relatives who keep offering him chairs that he politely declines.
The Dad-Band Upgrade Package includes enhanced vocal power, moderate rhythm competence, and an AI-powered lyric patch that generates improvised syllables when actual lyrics escape memory.
🔧 Product Features
• Standing Mode (Default Setting)
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Activates automatically upon waking.
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Cannot be disabled.
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Immune to dog-training commands (“Sit,” “Stay,” “Stop hovering behind me,” etc.).
• Home Office Optimization
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Integrated Standing Desk Sync™ technology.
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Paces gently while thinking about complex technical problems.
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100% compatible with noise-canceling headphones and cold brew coffee.
• Dad-Band Performance Kit
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Strong, confident lead vocals.
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Randomizes forgotten lyrics into rhythmically pleasing nonsense.
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Auto-Smug Guitar Face™ available in future firmware updates.
• Social Situational Hover Mode
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Stands behind seated individuals in kitchens, dining rooms, and living rooms.
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Offers “just observing” presence even when observation is unnecessary.
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Low idle noise. High awkward energy.
📐 Technical Specifications
| Feature | Description |
|---|---|
| Height | 6 ft of upright commitment |
| Weight | Perfectly normal, but carried like a man ready to lift a couch |
| Power Source | Coffee, music, tech problems |
| Battery Life | Unlimited zoom calls, band practice, and pacing |
| Seating Compatibility | Not supported |
| Voice Range | Dad-rock tenor with occasional jazz-gibberish drift |
| Connectivity | Wi-Fi, Bluetooth, sarcastic comments |
⚠️ Warnings
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Attempts to force Sitting Mode may void warranty.
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Avoid exposure to extended small talk; may trigger Hover Mode.
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Do not place near recliners or padded chairs; risks confusion.
3 reviews for Jeremy
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G. Laney –
⭐ 1-Star Review
Reviewer: G. Laney – Uniontown, OH
Rating: ⭐☆☆☆☆
Review Title: “Why Is It Always Standing?”
Review:
I wanted to like the Jeremy™ Standing Human (Home Office Edition) — really, I did. I even hired a dog trainer to teach him basic “Sit!” commands, but nothing stuck. No matter the situation, no matter how comfy the couch is, this model insists on lurking behind you while everyone else is sitting around the table like normal humans.
Family dinner? Standing. Board games? Standing. Thanksgiving? Standing in the doorway like a tech support gargloyle.
I’m giving it one star because the posture is impressive and the battery life is endless, but the inability to sit — even briefly — makes this product awkward in any home environment. Would not repurchase.
Tyler Laney –
⭐⭐⭐⭐ 4-Star Review
Reviewer: T. Laney – Cuyahoga Falls, OH
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐☆
Review Title: “Solid Lead Singer with… Creative Lyrics”
Review:
The Jeremy™ Lead Singer Dad-Band Edition delivers surprisingly strong vocals with good stage presence and a willingness to commit fully to every song — even when he doesn’t remember the actual words. Instead, he confidently improvises entire lines of melodic gibberish that somehow sound correct if you don’t listen too closely.
Great energy, works well with the rest of the band, and reliably shows up (standing, of course). I deducted one star because sometimes the lyrics drift into a mystical language shared only by Jeremy and no known human civilization.
Overall: would recommend for parties, gigs, and spontaneous living-room concerts.
D. Altieri –
⭐⭐⭐☆☆ 3 Stars — “Please Stop With the Leaf Blower Jokes”
Reviewer: D. Altieri – Stow, OH
Verified Purchase
The Jeremy™ works fine overall, but every Thanksgiving he makes fun of me for liking leaf blowers. Every year. Same joke.
I get it — I enjoy outdoor tools. But come on, man. Get some new material.
Three stars until the joke library gets an update.